Posted on April 21, 2010.
Do you think my book has potential? Ecolo Mr. Leighann
My eyes were exhausted from my Dell. I had been on Zwinky.com too long. I checked the time in the bottom right corner of the screen.
10:06 p.m. It was late. I needed to go to bed. I peeled my eyes from the screen and on the tower. I pushed the circle and my screen went black. I sat in my chair and thought about how my life has been connected to the screen. I sighed and complained to my bed, then crawled over her. The darkroom has disappeared.
Bip. Bip. Bip.
Bip. Beep Beep.
I groaned. Why had I stayed playing Zwinky? It is 5:05! I only had about eight hours of sleep! Not a lot of naps. I forced myself out of bed and pulled on clothes .. A plain green t-shirt and jeans Wal-Mart will do. Aero-mail is for people who are vain. I mean, clothes are clothes.
I walked in the narrow hallway and into the tiny kitchen. I looked in the pantry. Honey Bunches of Oats Just. I grabbed him and stuck my hands dirty. Munching, I noticed a green post-it on the fridge. read:
A
Pine Tree
has green needles
Chop Chop Chop and
It goes down, dying room
by piece. use it for paper, pencil
Whatever you choose. forward: the waste it!
this is not my choice.
because I am a tree
Hugger. Hug, hug.
~ Lori & Tori & L.
Just a note stupid girls Aero. Because I eat organic / healthy foods and wear green and brown green means I am, they said.
Yup. Eco-Me "A".
I grabbed my schoolbag and Green $ 2.00 pot of money and always goes the door unlocked. As I walked towards the bus stop, I put a breath mint in my mouth. It was like toothpaste, and it helped me focus.
One of the girls were waiting limousine Aero Big Yellow to come. Lori was wearing a pink polo Aeropostale skinny jeans and white boots, pink fur. She had a bag too Aeropostale. Her hair Burnette is just below her shoulders.
Lori Adams was a daughter Aero.
"Ecolo Hey!, Says she falsely smiled, then returned to his pink phone texting. "Yah, Nathan, I gotta go. See you in school! Buh-bye!" She closed her phone and slipped it into her tote bag.
The ride to Tortureville was here.
Lori Adams was a daughter Aero. <<<I would like to take this line out. you have already told us it was a grl Aero.
I wouldnt say SMS and phone. Most phones in the text of the 21st century. and there she was talking aloud if it was SMS?
I want to lay off some of the details. while r details of retail property is bad. is a good start, but I do not know where you go from here. What is the terrain of history?
Wow, that's terrible.
Nobody wants to read about it.
I stopped at Zwinky ..
Sorry the word just threw me off.
Repetitive, not descriptive, boring. It is best to explain exactly who the girls are Aero * * earlier.
But I like the last line.
The writing is good. I need to read the rest of the book in order to really judge whether it is good or not. But depending on where you go with the story, it seems that this could have potential. I suppose it is a girl (in college) through the life of a type of being banned and never really fitting in??
